Realization
by Sehrezad
Summary: "My, Calleigh, he must be good in bed. You wouldn't take his side otherwise." After her confrontation with Eric, Calleigh realizes that her feelings for Ryan run deeper than she thought or was willing to admit. CaRWash


__**Realization**

_Disclaimer: I don't own anything._

_Summary: "My, Calleigh, he must be good in bed. You wouldn't take his side otherwise." After her confrontation with Eric, Calleigh realizes that her feelings for Ryan run deeper than she thought or was willing to admit. CaRWash_

_Episode tag to "Nailed" 4/8._

* * *

><p><em>"You're always taking his side."<em>

_"Funny how he says the same thing about you."_

_/"Nailed"/_

* * *

><p>"My, Calleigh, he must be good in bed. You wouldn't take his side otherwise."<p>

Calleigh's hand connected with his cheek with a loud clap before she could have fully comprehended what Eric had just said. For a moment there was stunned silence between the two of them, both of them shocked by what had just transpired.

"I'll forget you said that," Calleigh finally spoke up in a leveled tone. "But don't you ever dare use that tone with me again," she warned him, hurt evident on her face just for a second before she schooled her features.

"Cal…" Eric immediately tried to apologize but Calleigh turned on her heels and started walking away. It would take him more than an apology to erase that hurt look from his friend's face and it stung more than the slap he'd got.

* * *

><p>Calleigh strode away from Eric with an unreadable expression. For an outsider all that was visible on her face was cold professionalism. As soon as she stepped into the elevator, though, her features contorted with shock, disappointment… and confusion.<p>

She was shocked that something like that had occurred to Eric and she felt disappointed that he'd think that she was favoring Ryan. In the childish competition the two of them were playing, Calleigh tried so hard to occupy a neutral position. Eric was an old friend she knew him almost as well as she did herself. As for Ryan… well, he was a completely other matter.

They were sleeping together, that was true – Eric had no way to know about that, though. And she had never taken his side against Eric without any good reason. But that wasn't what confused her. The contempt and disgust in Eric's voice made her strangely protective of her affair with the younger CSI.

Affair… now it sounded so wrong. It made it sound like they had something to hide. They did not. They were two consenting adults engaging in a relationship that required no commitment on either part. They were friends with benefits which wasn't all that surprising with their line of work and their lack of social life.

Calleigh sometimes wondered how Eric was doing it. He was all about partying and having fun. His social life was thriving in contrast with Calleigh's, who – apart from some sporadic get-together with her friends – hadn't been in a bar in ages. When she was with Ryan they usually tended to frequent some less loud places: cafés, restaurants… the beach. Or they just preferred to stay at home – normally at Ryan's place – and spend the night together.

They spent most of their nights together… and not necessarily in bed. She simply liked Ryan's company. She was always able to talk to him. He listened when Calleigh needed an ear and made her laugh when she was in need of some cheering-up… and he held her when she wanted human contact… when she wanted him.

Calleigh gasped when realization hit, then she stared bewildered in front of her as the elevator doors opened.

"You're all right, Calleigh?" she heard Natalia ask as the other woman stepped into the elevator.

Calleigh blinked then nodded as an answer. "Of course."

"All right," Natalia acknowledged the answer. "Didn't you want this floor?" she asked as the doors began to close.

Calleigh felt a little disoriented for a moment. She didn't really know where she'd been going. "Actually, no. I'm going to the locker room."

"This elevator came from there," the brunette pointed out.

"My bad, it seems I missed my stop," Calleigh shrugged, not really interested in any further conversation with the other woman. Her mind was occupied with other concerns: she had to talk with Ryan. She had to tell him what she had just realized.

She had to tell him that she wanted him.

* * *

><p>Calleigh's eyes widened when Ryan answered the door in a wrinkled T-shirt and sweatpants, his eyes – well, his good one – puffy with sleep.<p>

"I'm so sorry, Ryan," she apologized mortified. Poor man sure needed his sleep and there she was knocking on his door at… 5 p.m. – she realized. She'd just ended her shift and headed straight to Ryan.

"Huh?" Ryan didn't seem to comprehend her apology.

"I mean I didn't want to wake you… well, I didn't even think that you'd be asleep… which is quite stupid of me seeing that you've just been released from the hospital… and you obviously need rest… and I just woke you up… apparently… that's why I'm sorry… What?" she finally stopped when Ryan gave her a funny look.

"You're babbling," Ryan pointed out the obvious as Calleigh got painfully aware of it, too, as soon as she'd opened her mouth. She blushed which didn't improve her situation, either. The bemused smile that Ryan gave her, though, was worth it, she concluded. He looked absolutely adorable. "Come on in," he invited her in. "I don't like sleeping through the day anyway."

"Thanks," Calleigh smiled at him then stepped into his apartment. She waited uncertainly till Ryan closed the door then turned to him and for the first time, she took a good look at him.

"Poor baby," she breathed and reached out to gently stroke his face around the scarred area. "Does it hurt?"

"It's not too bad," he shrugged. "Once the drugs kick in," he added.

"I was so worried. And you were able to call in…" she said, her hand still tracing the area around his right eye. "It's a good thing Eric was nearby…" Ryan scoffed and Calleigh instantly withdrew her hand, giving him a disapproving look, forgetting for a moment how the Cuban had hurt her not so long ago. "Don't do this, Ryan. I'm sure he has his reasons for acting the way he does."

At that moment it all came back to her: the words the man had spit into her face, the mysterious woman in the hospital. She wanted to scoff at her stupidity. There was Ryan standing in front of her, a nail just pulled out of his eye not so long ago – which most probably could have been prevented if Eric had shown up for work in time – and yet, she was till looking for excuses for the other man.

While Ryan shrugged once again and murmured a "whatever" accompanied by a remark about getting his day off at least, Calleigh schooled her features and desperately tried to come up with something to say.

At that moment Ryan's stomach grumbled. It made Calleigh smile.

"You have some food here?" she asked. "I can make some dinner."

"I've always got food at home."

"Of course you have," Calleigh smiled at him. "May I?" she asked indicating towards the kitchen.

"You don't have to bother with that."

"Oh, but I'd love to. Please," she drawled sweetly and batted her eye-lashes for good measure. There was no way he'd say no to her.

"All right," Ryan sighed finally and followed her when she suddenly turned and practically bounced into the kitchen.

As she opened and closed cupboards in an attempt to find where the different utensils were and gauge just what kind of food Ryan had, Calleigh noticed that Ryan was following her every move like a hawk. It dawned on her then; every item, even the food, had its exact place in the immaculate kitchen.

"Don't worry," she turned to the man. "I'll put everything back to its place."

"I'm sorry," Ryan grimaced.

"Don't be," she gave him a warm smile then turned to open another cupboard. "Wow, you weren't kidding about the food," she observed as she took in the amount of long-life food-products. She couldn't believe that she'd never been in that kitchen before.

"Yeah, that's me." He seemed genuinely embarrassed.

"Hey," Calleigh tried to put him at ease. The last thing she wanted was for him to feel embarrassed about his compulsive tendencies. "One would never know what happens. It's good to be prepared." Well, seeing Ryan's food-supply, he was prepared for at least three months. "You should see my chocolate stash." She shared in a conspiratorial tone and happily noted that Ryan relaxed somewhat. "So what are you in the mood for?"

"I don't really know. Whatever you fancy."

"What about a little Louisiana cuisine? Say, Cajun white beans with rice?"

"Why did I suspect that you'd mention bean and rice?"

Calleigh just smirked at him then added, "And they're not even the most important parts. I need bell pepper, onion and celery."

"Of course," Ryan went to produce the required ingredients.

Calleigh had a real fun time cooking with Ryan though she couldn't be sure whether Ryan was really interested in the secrets of the Louisianan cuisine or he was just humoring her. Either way, she had such a good time preparing dinner and sharing old family anecdotes that she had even forgotten about her initial nervousness regarding the purpose of her visit.

As time passed, though – and with it Ryan's good mood – her nervousness took the better of her once again.

She was merrily laughing about one of Ryan's side comments when at once she realized that he looked exhausted. He popped in some pills before dinner but it seemed that whatever they were, they didn't help much.

Suddenly she felt like an idiot. Ryan should be in bed resting not kept occupied and entertained like nothing traumatic had happened. Ashamed of her selfishness, she quickly ate up the rest of her meal then stood up and offered to do the dishes.

It was silent all the while she washed the dishes and it made her uncomfortable. She cursed under her breath when she noticed her hands shaking. And she practically jumped when Ryan appeared behind her.

"Something's bothering you," he observed.

"What?" Calleigh asked with an obviously embarrassed smile while she closed the faucet and reached for a kitchen towel to dry her hands.

"You became uncharacteristically silent," he told her, moving to lean against the counter, his eyebrows drawn into an inquisitive frown – as much as he could manage with his injury.

"Ryan Wolfe," she forced a scandalous smile on her face. "Are you saying that I'm talking too much?"

"No," Ryan chuckled. "And you know that. So, what's up?"

Calleigh wanted to reach out and smooth out the worry on his features but she didn't trust her hand to be steady so, instead, she clenched her hands together in front of her and put on a smile. "I should ask you the same. I'm just worried about you; that's all. You should be resting and I'm keeping you from it. I should go."

She turned to leave but Ryan's hand on her arm stopped her. She turned back to him.

"I'm really grateful for the company. Especially that it's you. Now Delko… I had a really hard time kicking him out when he brought me home earlier." Calleigh's features visibly darkened at the mention of their colleague. "What?"

Calleigh shook her head. They can always have that conversation another time. "It's nothing for you to worry about," she reassured him and after taking a deep breath to steady her nerves, she stepped up to him and kissed his cheek. "Go back to bed and rest," she instructed him and, once again, she turned to leave.

"I don't think I can rest properly till I'm sure that you're really all right," he called after her.

Calleigh stopped and turned to him with an amused smile.

"That's emotional blackmail," she pointed out.

Ryan shrugged, smirking. "Is it working?"

"All right," Calleigh sighed after a long pause. "Eric and I might have a run-in earlier."

"Might?" Ryan asked as he made his way to the living room and motioned for Calleigh to follow. "Well?" he prodded when Calleigh remained silent for too long.

"All right, all right… I might have slapped him." She rolled her eyes when she saw Ryan's expression. "Okay, I did slap him... in front of the whole lab to see," she winced. "But he was way out of line," she quickly added.

"What did he do this time?"

"He thinks that I'm taking your side all the time because we sleep together."

"Well, we do sleep together."

"Yes, but that's not why I'm taking your side."

"Obviously. You're taking Delko's side… and you're not even sleeping with him, obviously…" he muttered the last part.

"Would you cut it, please?" Suddenly she felt annoyed. The two of them could be really insufferable. "You're acting like two five-year-olds. And just what is it supposed to mean that I'm obviously not sleeping with Eric?"

"Nothing. I mean it's not as if it'd matter anyway."

And now that just pissed her off. Did everybody really think that she was sleeping around like a cheap slut?

"You know," she stood up, looking down at the man with angry eyes, "the only reason that I don't slap you right now is your eye. Just how low is your opinion of me that you think I'd sleep with Eric behind your back?"

"I didn't mean it that way."

"Really?"

"Look," Ryan stood, too, "apart from agreeing to stay just friends, I'm fairly sure that after sleeping with Delko, you'd not waste your time with me."

"What are you talking about?" Calleigh furrowed her brows confused.

"Well, it's not really a secret what a… how popular Delko is among women. I wouldn't stand a chance against him."

Regarding Ryan as he stood in front of her looking every bit of vulnerable, Calleigh's anger disappeared. It wasn't her he was thinking so low of… it was him.

"We should really start this conversation over," Calleigh sighed.

"That'd be great," Ryan agreed. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to suggest that you... you know..."

"That's all right," Calleigh dismissed him. "Obviously, a serious conversation is overdue here… and frankly, that's why I came here today."

"Really?" Calleigh watched amused as his initial surprise turned into comprehension with which his features turned sad and resigned. "Oh, you want to end our… arrangement. It must have been embarrassing when Delko broadcast his opinion in front of the whole lab."

"You're cute. Hopeless but cute."

"Cute?" he asked incredulously. "And I thought this night can't get any worse."

"Well, if you want to know Eric said that you must be good in bed," she informed him. "But that's beside the point… for now," she gave him a coy smile when she saw his eyes bulge out his head… then he winced in pain. Calleigh reached out to take his hand into hers. "His remark made me realize something." She pulled on his hand a little to indicate that they should sit down then she took a deep breath. "I don't want to sneak around anymore. I want to give a name to our relationship."

"You are talking about a relationship here. A real relationship?" Calleigh nodded with hope shining in her eyes. "You sure?"

"Ryan, you're an amazing man. Don't ever doubt that. And I'd be lucky to have you... as my boyfriend."

"I am the lucky one here." He shook his head in disbelief.

"What?" Calleigh asked.

"Nothing… I just remember a boy who went to a seminar and it only took him a second to develop a serious crush on his teacher."

"Now that makes me feel old," she chuckled.

"It makes me feel awfully young," Ryan admitted with his own chuckle that, however, lacked the ease of Calleigh's.

Calleigh quickly decided on changing the topic. "So you have a crush on me?"

"No," Ryan shook his head. "Not anymore."

"Oh."

"I love you, Calleigh. Hey…" he cried out when she hit his shoulder with an indignant expression.

"Don't play smartass with me, Ryan," she warned him with a serious expression even though her eyes were shining with joy. "I love you, too," she added when Ryan seemed suitably chastised.

She was surprised when Ryan pulled her into a fierce hug. The affection behind his action warmed her heart.

"You should really go to bed now," she whispered when they pulled apart. "You've got a hard day behind you."

"Will you stay?"

She kissed him then. "Yes, I will. Come on."

They walked to the bedroom in silence. Ryan handed Calleigh a neatly folded black T-shirt and stepped back to let her change.

A small smile was playing on Calleigh's lips all the while she changed into Ryan's T-shirt. She could just feel his eyes on her. When she pulled the black T-shirt over her head, she reached up to let her hair down. The bun she'd been wearing the whole day fell over her back as a braid and she set to pull her hair free. When her messy curls got free, she turned to Ryan with a smile. "Do you have a comb?" she asked and watched amused as all Ryan could do was to nod. She followed him with her eyes as he scurried off to the bathroom.

"May I?" he asked timidly when he returned with the comb and Calleigh reached for it.

"Please," she agreed and turned her back to Ryan. He made a remarkable job at combing her hair, Calleigh noted.

When both of them were ready for bed, they climbed under the covers with the familiar ease of a couple that had been together for a long time. And they were just that, Calleigh realized. A couple. Their relationship had never been only about sex. There'd always been something else, she admitted to herself as she snuggled up next to Ryan. And it felt good to finally realize that.

"Will you be here in the morning?" she heard Ryan whisper.

"Of course," she kissed his lips. "Now, try to sleep."

* * *

><p>Calleigh opened her eyes when something disturbed her sleep. When nothing seemed strange immediately, she smiled sleepily to turn around and snuggle back to Ryan's arms. His place was empty, though, and her eyes could make out his silhouette sitting at the edge of the bed with his back to her and his head in his hands.<p>

"Ryan," Calleigh sat up concerned. "Are you all right?" She moved to kneel next to him on the bed and sneaked an arm around his hunched shoulders. His breathing was labored, she noted and when he turned his head to her, she noticed the tears in his eyes. "What happened?" she asked now clearly worried, and when Ryan just kept looking at her with pain evident in his eyes, she swept her eyes over their surrounding. She realized then that it must have been Ryan's shuffling around that had woken her. His nightstand was a mess. It seemed that he'd been in a desperate search for something. "Where is your medication?" She turned back to him.

"Thought I brought it in here… but can't find it… and it hurts too much," Calleigh watched with bleeding heart as he tried to put the sentences together.

"Shh…," she hushed him and put a light kiss on his head. "I'll go get it. You go back to bed." With that she stood up and helped him under the covers. With a last look at him, she went to find his medication. Fortunately, she didn't have to search for long; the pills were standing on the kitchen counter in the company of a glass of water. Calleigh smiled a little, then grabbing everything, she practically ran back to the room.

Ryan was sitting in bed his back leant against the headboard. His eyes were closed, however, there were tears escaping his closed lids and his breath was still labored. Calleigh gently padded to him and sat down on the edge of the bed.

"Here," she took his hand and placed the pills in it. She watched as he slowly opened his eyes and gave her a grateful smile before popping the pills not even bothering to chase them with water. Calleigh took his hands as he leant back against the headboard and closed his eyes, waiting for the pain to subside. "What can I do?" she asked feeling so helpless.

"Just stay," he answered with a hoarse whisper, turning his palm so that he was the one gripping Calleigh's hands.

Long minutes had passed before his breathing began to change and his grip loosened.

"Hey there," Calleigh smiled at him when he opened his eyes at last.

"Hey," he returned her smile weakly. "Thank you." As an answer, Calleigh just squeezed his hands and leant closer to kiss his forehead.

"Ready to go back to sleep?"

"Yes… I just need to change the band aid. Damn tears loosened it," he told her embarrassed. "And it stings, too."

"Let me help you." Calleigh shot up from the bed in a heartbeat.

"I can do it," Ryan protested and Calleigh turned to him.

"I know. But I'd like to do it." When Ryan relaxed against the headboard, she gave him beaming smile. "Stay put," she instructed him then disappeared in the bathroom.

It wasn't long after that that they were back under the covers sleeping peacefully once again.

* * *

><p>The first thing Ryan noticed when he entered the kitchen in the morning was Calleigh's beaming smile. He could swear that his heart missed a beat at the sight.<p>

"Good morning, handsome," she greeted him. "How is your eye? Any pain?"

"It's all right for the moment," he answered as he walked up to her. "Although I think I'm seeing things." After their conversation the previous day, he still felt a little unsure as to how to proceed… not to mention that he was completely overwhelmed. Calleigh had never stayed for breakfast before.

"That's okay. It'll pass." Calleigh beamed at him cheekily.

"Oh, I don't want it to pass," he husked as he sneaked his arms around Calleigh's waist and leant in for a morning kiss. "Good morning," he greeted her as they pulled apart. "Ready for work already?"

True enough, gone was his black T-shirt and Calleigh was standing in front of him in a pair of black pants and a deep red shirt. She smelled fresh from her shower and her hair was pulled back into a flawless braid.

"Yes. I have to go. But I made you breakfast… and I have tomorrow off so…" she trailed of uncertainly. "I can come over after shift… if you want me… that's it."

"That'd be great," Ryan smiled at her and when she seemed reluctant to go, he added, "Something wrong?"

"I have to talk to Eric today."

"All right…"

"What should I tell him? I mean I owe him an apology… after all he was right." Ryan looked at her questioningly. "I mean, we sleep together."

"Well, tell him that."

"Really?" Calleigh looked up at him with eyes wide with surprise. "You're okay with that?"

"With what?" Ryan chuckled. "Telling him that we're together? Absolutely. If you need me I'm more than happy to go in and shout it out for everybody to know."

"No need to get so radical," Calleigh laughed merrily at his enthusiasm. "I was thinking about the consequences."

"What about them? You're not my boss – though sometimes it seems that you missed that memo." Calleigh poked him in the ribs. "We're simple colleagues and as far as I know, there is nothing to prevent two colleagues to pursue a relationship."

"Aren't you the smart one?" Calleigh teased. "You are right."

Ryan gave her a look that clearly said that she should try saying something he hadn't already known. "Where does this leave us?" he asked.

"Well, I don't know about us," Calleigh said, giving him a quick kiss then leaving his arms to get her purse and suit jacket. "But it leaves me to shout it out to the whole lab." She turned back to him by the door and gave him a beaming smile. "On second thought, I might just let Eric do that. He's quite good at it." Throwing him a kiss, she left.

Ryan watched as the door closed behind her, feeling the luckiest man on Earth.

* * *

><p>Horatio was standing by the elevator, though without the intention to actually get in. He was waiting for his CSI to arrive. He greeted a couple of lab techs and several CSIs with an unreadable expression while he was thinking about how to handle the situation that had just come up.<p>

He'd never liked when there was some tension in his team and not just because it had detrimental effects on their work but because he really cared about all of them.

Eric had been acting strange lately which went that far to get IA involved, too. Horatio wasn't happy about it but he trusted his friend. He gave Eric some lee-way. But, on the other hand, he understood Wolfe's complaints, too. After all he was mostly the one who bore the consequences of Eric's erratic behavior.

The one who really worried him was Calleigh. She'd been always the patient one. And while the two men clashed swords constantly, she was the one who could keep peace. She was the ground stone of the team. And that foundation had been shaken the previous day.

He saw the incident go down and though he couldn't hear the words spoken, it didn't take that long for them to get to him.

And now he was left with a tricky situation.

"Ma'am," Horatio stopped Calleigh when she finally exited the elevator.

"Hey, H," she greeted him and Horatio couldn't help noticing how radiant she looked. It'd been a long time since he saw her so truly shining, because she really did that. On an average day she could light up a room with her mere presence but on a good day… she was like the sun in the sky. "What?"

Regarding her, Horatio smile to himself. He could make even Calleigh Duquesne squirm with his silent inquiry.

"I heard what went down between you and Eric yesterday."

"I am sorry. We shouldn't have had that conversation out in the corridor."

"That's not what I am worried about." He shifted on his feet to face her. "Should I be worried about the integrity of my team?"

"Look, that last case was hard on all of us and having one of us in the hospital didn't help, either. I admit that I snapped but Eric was way out of line."

"Was he?" Horatio asked with a knowing smile that made Calleigh tense.

"Can we take this to another place, please?" she asked finally, running her eyes around the busy corridor anxiously. So he was right, Horatio noted. There was a ground for Eric's accusation. He wondered whether the man actually knew that. He wondered, too, what the nature of Calleigh's relationship was with his youngest CSI. But he already knew that. He just had to take a look at the woman and it became obvious: she was a woman in love.

Horatio smiled. He was happy for her. He was happy for both of them.

"There is no need for that," he reassured Calleigh. "All I want to know is whether Mr. Wolfe is all right."

A little silence followed his question in which looks were exchanged and intentions were understood.

"He is doing all right," Calleigh finally told him and Horatio could practically see the tension leave her body.

"Good." He gave her a smile that meant more than a mere aknowledgement. It was the sign of his silent support... and his promise to respect the decision of his people. "That is good." He was rewarded with a beautiful smile from the blond woman. "And that incident with Eric…"

"I will take care of that," she assured him not losing her smile. "Maybe both of us have an apology to make."

"Very well," he nodded. "That's all I wanted to know. Have a nice day, Ma'am." With that he walked off with a small smile playing on his lips.

Everything looked good to start a new day.

**The End**

_Thanks for reading!_


End file.
